Ep 71: Talking about Boys and Sex with Peggy Orenstein

Ep 71: Talking about Boys and Sex with Peggy Orenstein

Have you ever had a “pinch me” moment when you can’t believe how things come together?

With two boys in my home, and one a teen already, I’ve wanted to interview New York Times bestselling author Peggy Orenstein for the Mother’s Quest Podcast since the moment I first heard about her new book, Boys & Sex.

So, when Jill Daniel of Happy Women Dinners asked me if I’d like to co-produce a dinner and conversation with Peggy in the SF Bay Area, I said “yes” practically before she finished her sentence.

That I would have the opportunity to interview Peggy for the debut episode of the Mother’s Quest Podcast Season Five ahead of our in-person dinner was just the most incredible bonus.

Because Peggy’s work is truly transformational.

Peggy is the New York Times bestselling author of Girls & Sex, Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Waiting for Daisy, Flux, and Schoolgirls, an award-winning journalist, and internationally recognized speaker on gender issues, especially those related to teens, sex and relationships. She’s a contributing writer to the New York Times Magazine and has also been published in The Washington Post, Slate, The Atlantic, and The New Yorker. She’s been featured on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, The Today Show, Morning Joe, NPR’s Fresh Air and The PBS News Hour. Her TED Talk, “What Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure,” has been viewed over 4.6 million times. 

The need to engage in conversations with our children about sex, even when they make us feel uncomfortable, was one of the biggest take-aways I had from my interview with Peggy. In this episode, we explore the insights she uncovered through her interviews with 100 teen boys and young men about their conceptions of masculinity and sexuality, including the early and pervasive experiences they have with porn, their understanding of consent, and the ways in which they feel unable to fully express themselves as emotional human beings. 

Where Peggy’s prior research revealed that girls are systematically disconnected from their bodies, boys she found are disconnected from their hearts.

As you listen, I invite you to think about how you could use something you learn in this episode to connect with your child. Be aware that while we don’t have explicit conversations about sex, we do mention topics such as porn. Please use your discretion in whether you want to play this episode around children. With older boys, you may purposefully choose, as Peggy jokingly suggests, to play this episode in their vicinity as a conversation starter.

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to share this interview with you. I appreciated Peggy’s openness to sharing about her own E.P.I.C. life, to her bravery in her work, her inclusion of the perspectives of transgender and gay boys and to the impact of race in our conceptions of sexuality, and her challenge to us to have conversations with our children about sex. It’s not just “one talk,” she says, but a series of ongoing ones that our times call for today. And we have to start somewhere.

Much appreciation,


P.S. Know someone who would love this conversation? Pay this forward to a friend who may be interested.

 

This Episode is Dedicated by:
Casey O’Roarty of Joyful Courage to Amy Lang of Birds & Bees & Kids

Casey O’Roarty, Med, is a facilitator of personal growth and development.  Her work encourages parents to discover the purpose of their journey, while also providing them with tools and a shift of mindset that allows them to deepen their relationships with themselves and their families. 

As a Positive Discipline Trainer since 2007 and certified coach, Casey has led countless groups through workshops and classes that have left them feeling empowered and excited about parenting. She also offers an engaging podcast, live and online classes, and individual coaching at www.joyfulcourage.com

Her first book, Joyful Courage: Calming the Drama and Taking Control of YOUR Parenting Journey launched May 20th, 2019. Casey lives in the Pacific Northwest with greatest teachers – her husband, and two teenage kids.

👉 Registration for Joyful Courage: Parenting Teens Academy

 

Joyful Courage Podcast

Join the Joyful Courage Parents of Teens Facebook Group

Live and Love with Joyful Courage

Casey’s Social Media:

 

About Amy Lang:

Amy Lang is a sexual health educator for over 20 years, she helps parents of all beliefs talk with kids of any age about the birds and the bees. She’s the author of the award-winning book Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids – A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs About Sexuality, Love, and Relationships.

She started Birds & Bees & Kids with the mission to help every kid grow up to become healthy adults by helping their parents learn how they can engage and talk to their kids about their sex and sexuality.

You can learn more about Amy and her work here 👉 Amy Lang’s Birds & Bees & Kids

 

**Special thanks to  Jill Daniel of Happy Women Dinners for co-producing and hosting the event with Peggy Orenstein**

Happy Women Dinners is the brainchild of food writer, gourmet cook, and publicist Jill Daniel.  As a food writer, Jill wrote about food from one coast of the country to the other. She is the owner of Dinner-Licious, she serves up delicious organic dinners to families around the San Francisco Bay Area. 

With Happy Women Dinners, Jill has brought together fantastic food and speakers with a focus on women.  Happy Women Dinners events are held in intimate settings and limited to small groups of women.

Jill Daniel – LinkedIn
Happy Women Dinners

Instagram @jillconnection
Happy Women Dinners Facebook Page

 

In This Episode We Talk About:

  • How our conversation coincided with the four year anniversary of Peggy’s mother’s death, the impact her mother had on her, and how we carry our ancestors with us
  • The high school journalism assignment that set Peggy on her life purpose path of telling stories. 
  • The importance of being in ongoing conversations with our kids about sex
  • What Peggy believes sex is really about and her ultimate end-game in all of her work
  • What one transgender boy illuminated for Peggy about constructing masculinity
  • Ways that sex and gender are mediated by race and ethnicity
  • What has changed today about pornography and the ways that pornography today shapes our boys’ experience of sex 
  • How to know when to talk to our kids about sex and porn
  • The ways in which boys feel disconnected from their emotions
  • Talking to our boys about consent
  • What supports Peggy in staying grounded while doing this work
  • The importance of finding community among other parents as we navigate conversations about sex with our kids

 

This Week’s Challenge:

For this episode’s challenge, Peggy encourages us to start having conversations with our children about sex, beginning with just one. With your older boys, consider listening to this episode together. You can also visit her website for a list of resources that can support you in having conversations with children at any developmental stage. 

 

Learn More About Peggy Orenstein:

Peggy Orenstein is the author of the New York Times best-sellers Boys & Sex, Girls & SexCinderella Ate My Daughter and Waiting for Daisy as well as Don’t Call Me Princess, Flux, and the classic SchoolGirls:.

A contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine and AFAR, Peggy has also written for such publications as The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, New York , The Atlantic and The New Yorker, and has contributed commentaries to NPR’s All Things Considered . She has been featured on, among other programs, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, The Today Show, Morning Joe, NPR’s Fresh Air and The PBS News Hour. Her TED Talk, “What Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure,” has been viewed over 4.6 million times.

The Columbia Journalism Review named Peggy one of its “40 women who changed the media business in the past 40 years.” She has been recognized for her “Outstanding Coverage of Family Diversity,” by the Council on Contemporary Families and received Books For A Better Life Awards for both Girls & Sex and Waiting for Daisy. Her work has also been honored by the Commonwealth Club of California, the National Women’s Political Caucus of California and Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Additionally, she has been awarded fellowships from the United States-Japan Foundation and the Asian Cultural Council and been a grateful resident at Mesa Refuge and the UCross Foundation.

Peggy’s Books:

Follow Peggy on Social Media:

Resources from Peggy:

Other Resources Mentioned:

 

Announcements:

Spark Your E.P.I.C. Year Workshop

Join me on one of my favorite things to facilitate, the Spark Your E.P.I.C. Year Workshop, where I will take you via zoom on a “virtual milestone hike” an opportunity for reflection and intention-setting as we officially close one chapter and begin another. At Mother’s Quest, we’ve decided that February is the new January, and truthfully it is always a good time to begin again with intention. Click the link in the show notes to join this experience live tomorrow or to request the replay and come along when the time is right for you. Hope to see you there! 

Join the Spark Your Epic Year Workshop by signing up here.

Want More Reflection in Your Life?
Book A Discovery Call

Some key themes that emerge from all my conversations, is the power of reflection and the power of being seen. These are elements that I bring, not only to every podcast interview, but to my one-one-one coaching and Mother’s Quest Circle facilitation. If you’re seeking more space for pause and reflection in your life, I encourage you to reach out to me for a discovery call to learn how we might work together.  Visit mothersquest.as.me/discoverysession to schedule a time to talk.

Click here to book a discovery call

Acknowledgments:

A big THANK YOU to our “patrons” for helping to bring these conversations to myself and other mothers through financial and/or in-kind support:

Casey O’Roarty of Joyful Courage
Kathie Moehlig or TransFamily Support Services
Anne Ferguson of MamaFuel

On the Move and etsuko Kubo
Kate Amoo-Gottfried
Nicole Lee
Olivia Parr-Rud
“Vince” of the While Black Podcast
Sara Brannin-Mooser
Lindsay Pera
Julie Castro Abrams
Alexia Vernon
Brooke Markevicius
Democracy Clothing
Michael Skolnik
Helgi Maki
Kari Azuma
Tamara Sobomehin
Katie Krimitsos
Carrie Caulfield Arick
Rachel Rosen
Chandra Brooks
Jen Simon
Monisha Vasa
Celia Ward-Wallace
Vanessa Couto
Desiree Adaway
Rachel Steinman
Katie Hanus
Denise Barreto 
Sage B. Hobbs 
Samantha Nolan-Smith
Jody Smith
Emily Cretella
Collette Flanagan
Titilayo Tinubu Ali 
Carly Magnus Hurt
Lizzy Russinko 
Suzanne Brown
Mara Berns Langer
Mallory Schlabach 
Katharine Earhart
Jessica Kupferman
Jen Jenkins Dohner
Genese Harris
Tonya Rineer
Liane Louie-Badua
Cristin Downs 
Erin Kendall 
Niko Osoteo 
Erik Newton 
Claire Fry
Divya Silbermann
Rachel Winter
Caren and Debbie Lieberman
Cameron Miranda
Fran and David Lieberman
Debbie and Alan Goore
The Sustainable Living Podcast

Support the Podcast

If you’d like to make a contribution to Mother’s Quest to support Season Four of the Podcast and/or help provide coaching scholarships for mothers, follow this link to make a contribution.

If you would like to “dedicate” an upcoming episode to a special mother in your life, email me at julie@mothersquest.com

Mother’s Quest is a podcast for moms who are ready to live a truly E.P.I.C. life.

Join in for intimate conversations with a diverse group of inspiring mothers as they share how they are living an E.P.I.C. lifeEngaging mindfully with their children (E), Passionately and Purposefully making a difference beyond their family (P), Investing in themselves (I), and Connecting to a strong support network (C).

Join our community of mothers to light the way and sustain you on your quest at https://www.facebook.com/groups/mothersquest/

MINISODE: Bite-Sized Reflection from my E.P.I.C. Life

MINISODE: Bite-Sized Reflection from my E.P.I.C. Life

Struggle and Success in the Start of my New Year

In this pre-season MINISODE, a bite-sized reflection from my E.P.I.C. Life, I shared how my start to 2020 has been filled with both struggle and success, what it’s like to share the full range of our experiences online in today’s Instagramable world, and three things that have supported me on the threshold of a reset.

Also, a little about what to expect in my Spark Your E.P.I.C. Year Workshop, a chance for us to begin 2020 again, because February is the new January.

Three Things That Helped Me:

Join the Spark Your Epic Year Workshop by signing up here.

Season 5 of the Mother’s Quest Podcast will begin tomorrow. Join the conversation at www.mothersquest.com/podcast

Much appreciation,

P.S. Know someone who would love this conversation? Pay this forward to a friend who may be interested.

Diversity Bookshelf Challenge

Diversity Bookshelf Challenge

In my last episode on the Mother’s Quest Podcast, Desiree Lynn Adaway and Pamela Slim challenged me to read only books from authors of color for three months.

I decided to start by analyzing just the bookshelf in my bedroom to first get a sense of baseline. Out of 63 books, only 11 were of authors of color. That’s only 17.4% of all the books I had on my bedroom shelves!!

That will change.

In addition to reading from the books on my shelf of authors of color, I’m committed to filling an entire book shelf. I’d love to know some of your favorites in the comments and what you love about them to help me diversify my bookshelf. All genres welcome.

And, I invite you to join me in our Diversity Bookshelf Challenge! If you too are of a dominant identity, and white in this western world that we live in, take 3 months (or 6 months!) to allow new voices to come into our world. In doing this, Desiree says you will never be the same. If you are not white, but interested in diversifying in a way that is meaningful to you, say “yes” to your own challenge too.

how the challenge works:

  • Do an assessment first of your library or one bookshelf.
  • Take photos, share and declare your intention to diversify your bookshelf too using the hashtag #diversitybookshelfchallenge
  • I would love for you to tag me and Mother’s Quest as well so I know we’re in it together.

Stack of books with diverse authors

a few book recommendations:

(Note: This post includes affiliate links. For more details about affiliate links, please click here to see our website terms of service.)

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

 

 Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay

 

From Scratch by Tembi Locke

 

Managing the Motherload by Rebekah Borucki

 

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters by Priya Parker

 

Can’t wait to see how our bookshelves and our perspectives expand together!

Much appreciation,

P.S. Oh…and if you haven’t listened to this episode yet, where the challenge all began, with Desiree and Pamela, it’s a great place to start.


Join our community of mothers to light the way and sustain you on your quest at https://www.facebook.com/groups/mothersquest/

Stack of books by diverse authors

Celebrating Mother’s Quest Episodes of 2019

Celebrating Mother’s Quest Episodes of 2019

While the Mother’s Quest Podcast takes a break between seasons, I thought it would be helpful to celebrate and share a summary of the episodes we released in Season Four. If you haven’t listened yet, these are new to you! 

I hope these conversations help light the way for you on your quest as you begin your new year. Take a look at the episodes below and download one today that calls to you, or let me know what you’re most on a quest for, and I’ll personally recommend an episode for you.

Subscribe on your favorite podcast app here: https://pod.link/mothersquestpodcast. You can also get updates, reflections and build community in the Mother’s Quest Facebook Group. Join us there to stay connected until the podcast returns!

Episode #58: Slay Your Dragon of Self-Doubt with Katherine Wintsch

We launched Season Four with a second episode with Katherine Wintsch, who had just released her first book, Slay Like a Mother, at the time. Katherine’s on a mission to help mothers around the world destroy what’s holding them back, the dragon of self-doubt, so they can live the life they want. I think you’ll find a lot to light your way, as Katherine and I delve deep into how she conquered her self-doubt and practiced the dance between hard work and letting go in order to get her book published, persevering through 23 rejections in the six-year process.

Episode #59: The Healer Lies Within through Ayurveda with Avanti Kumar Singh

Avanti shares how Ayurveda can become a powerful lens for living a healthy, reflective life, one where we open our minds and tap into our own ability to provide counter-balance to the things that are troubling us and support our own healing.

Episode #60: Inflection Points, Releasing Perfectionism, & Small Actions that Matter with Anne Devereux-Mills

In this conversation with Anne, I was reminded that small acts can have meaningful cascades of impact, that we can hold a vision for an epic life rooted in connection and what really matters, not in having it all exactly right or at exactly the same time. And I gained a heightened awareness and appreciation for “Inflection points,” those times in our lives when we’re called to change our course or as Anne says “the moment after what was but before what will be.” Anne also just released her book, The Parlay Effect, in the New Year. Listen first and then go get a copy. 

Episode #61: Reclaiming Ourselves in Motherhood: Revisited with Graeme Seabrook

I so appreciated this conversation and the invitation Graeme and I co-created for you called the #oneminutemommanifesto that I decided to put this episode out on the feed again. Graeme and I are all about helping mothers claim their lives and realized we each had crafted our own manifestos that were instrumental in reclaiming ours. The re-release of this episode coincided with a Mother’s Quest Manifesto Challenge that we organized in the Facebook Group. All the posts and videos are still there, organized as a “unit,” so come on over if you’d like to participate. 

Episode #62: Claim Your Self-Care Your Desires with Elena Lipson

In this conversation, we explore Elena’s journey from a life that began in Russia to one based today in the fresh air of the Pacific Northwest with her husband of over 19 years and their teenage son Miles. The best adjective I could think of to describe this conversation is “juicy” filled with so much goodness, insights, and examples for how to connect to our bodies, speak our desires, and lean into presence and inquiry instead of assumption… with ourselves, our children and our partners.

Episode #63: A Maker’s Journey To A Good Life with Jonathan Fields

Jonathan, host of the Good Life Project Podcast, inspired me to start my own…so interviewing him was a full-circle moment. In this conversation, Jonathan and I went to all the deep, reflective places across each E.P.I.C. guidepost, talking about everything from our Sparktypes to the influence of his mother, a “maker” like himself, how he really feels about the hero’s journey and living a good life, lessons we’ve learned about letting go of expectations with our children, and how to be creators but not to be defined by the things we create.

Episode #64: Fatherhood, Forgiveness, and Redemption with Poet Will Little

Will Little

Will has a profound story to tell, one that began with an upbringing in a single-family parent home with his four sisters in Philadelphia, PA and hit a crisis point when he shot and killed another teen and was sentenced to 10-20 years in prison. Fatherhood was a seminal experience for Will. It was the knowledge of becoming a father, during the time of his incarceration, that became a catalyst for Will to turn his life around. Ultimately, this episode is about hope and transformation…And I hope you’ll be forever changed, as I have been, by your connection to Will and his story.

Episode #65: The Power fo Being Seen & The Spiral Path with Amy Simpkins

Using her unique gifts, Amy lights the way for so many of us with how she explains and embodies the iterative spiral path to life, motherhood, and entrepreneurship. And in this conversation, as we explored her wisdom and lessons learned along all the E.P.I.C. guideposts, it felt like we revealed together her creative genius, a quality she most admired in her mother, that is also inside of her.

Episode #66: A Love Letter to Friendship with Desiree Lynn Adaway & Pamela Slim

desiree and pamela

Being deeply seen and deeply understood is a theme that runs through this conversation, as we explore the ways that Desiree and Pamela experience the epic guideposts in their lives and in their friendship. The entire conversation was a love letter to friendship and a call to action to risk being known, knowing others, expanding our perspectives and championing diversity.

Episode #67: Smashing the Kyriarchy with Books for Littles Ashia Ray

Thousands of parents like me, on a quest to tackle hard topics with our children, turn to Ashia, whose autistic hyperfocus on researched and child-tested books that build compassion in our children, led her to create BooksForLittles.com and Raising Luminaries. Through her lists and her private group, Aisha helps us find the best books to foster age-appropriate conversations with our kids about white supremacy, cissexism, ableism and more.

Episode #68: Trust-based Parenting and Philanthropy with Pia Infante

Pia Infante

I was so honored to bring you this reflective conversation about investing from a place of trust in our dreams of becoming mothers, in our children, and in the causes we believe in, with someone who has been a dear friend and colleague for over a decade, Pia Infante of the Whitman Institute.

Episode #69: Overcoming Overwhelm with Dr. Samantha Brody

Overcoming Overwhelm with Dr. Samantha Brody

Overcoming Overwhelm: Dismantle Your Stress from the Inside Out is the title of the book written by my guest for this episode of the podcast, Dr. Samantha Brody. I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed in my life right now. But, inspired by this conversation, I decided to take a pause and start to take steps that are already helping me feel better.

Episode #70: Blazing a Transgender Trail with Corey Rae and her mother Judy Blank

In this Season Four Finale episode, Corey and Judy share, for the first time together, their mother-daughter account of how they blazed a trail in Corey’s transgender journey, telling stories spanning from Judy’s standing up to Corey’s kindergarten teacher, who wanted to stop her from dressing as a girl during dress-up time, to supporting Corey through her gender affirmation surgery at age 19.

ENCORE Episodes Re-Released in 2019:

Encore: Embrace Your Shape and Evolve Your Life with Democracy Clothing’s President Caren Lettiere

 

Encore: “Flawed” with Truth Bomb Mom Kristina Kuzmic

 

Encore: Living Out Loud with Jenjii Hysten

Jenjii Hysten

 

Back to School Encore: Equanimity & the Calm in the Storm with Mindful Parent Michelle Gale

 

Encore: Beyond the Trauma: Legacy, Compassion and Change with Mothers Against Police Brutality Co-founder Sara Mokuria

 

Acknowledgments:

A big THANK YOU to our “patrons” for helping to bring these conversations to myself and other mothers through financial and/or in-kind support:

Kathie Moehlig or TransFamily Support Services
Anne Ferguson of MamaFuel

On the Move and etsuko Kubo
Kate Amoo-Gottfried
Nicole Lee
Olivia Parr-Rud
“Vince” of the While Black Podcast
Sara Brannin-Mooser
Lindsay Pera
Julie Castro Abrams
Alexia Vernon
Brooke Markevicius
Democracy Clothing
Michael Skolnik
Helgi Maki
Kari Azuma
Tamara Sobomehin
Katie Krimitsos
Carrie Caulfield Arick
Rachel Rosen
Chandra Brooks
Jen Simon
Monisha Vasa
Celia Ward-Wallace
Vanessa Couto
Desiree Adaway
Rachel Steinman
Katie Hanus
Denise Barreto 
Sage B. Hobbs 
Samantha Nolan-Smith
Jody Smith
Emily Cretella
Collette Flanagan
Titilayo Tinubu Ali 
Carly Magnus Hurt
Lizzy Russinko 
Suzanne Brown
Mara Berns Langer
Mallory Schlabach 
Katharine Earhart
Jessica Kupferman
Jen Jenkins Dohner
Genese Harris
Tonya Rineer
Liane Louie-Badua
Cristin Downs 
Erin Kendall 
Niko Osoteo 
Erik Newton 
Claire Fry
Divya Silbermann
Rachel Winter
Caren and Debbie Lieberman
Cameron Miranda
Fran and David Lieberman
Debbie and Alan Goore
The Sustainable Living Podcast

Support the Podcast

If you’d like to make a contribution to Mother’s Quest to support Season Four of the Podcast and/or help provide coaching scholarships for mothers, follow this link to make a contribution.

If you would like to “dedicate” an upcoming episode to a special mother in your life, email me at julie@mothersquest.com

Mother’s Quest is a podcast for moms who are ready to live a truly E.P.I.C. life.

Join in for intimate conversations with a diverse group of inspiring mothers as they share how they are living an E.P.I.C. lifeEngaging mindfully with their children (E), Passionately and Purposefully making a difference beyond their family (P), Investing in themselves (I), and Connecting to a strong support network (C).

Join our community of mothers to light the way and sustain you on your quest at https://www.facebook.com/groups/mothersquest/

Ep 70: Blazing a Transgender Trail with Corey Rae and her mother Judy Blank

Ep 70: Blazing a Transgender Trail with Corey Rae and her mother Judy Blank

I’m honored to bring you this Season Four finale episode of the Mother’s Quest Podcast with two special guests and dear family friends, transgender model, activist and writer Corey Rae and her talented and trailblazing mother, Judy Blank.

Corey is a 26-year-old activist, consultant, model, speaker and writer who shatters stigmas surrounding the transgender community. She was born transgender in the 1990’s and started her physical transition when she was 15 years old with the unwavering support of her mother Judy. Shortly after, Corey became the world’s first openly transgender girl to be crowned Prom Queen, a story in production for a feature film titled QUEEN, which Corey is Executive Producing.

As a stylist, designer and creator of hand-carved jewelry, with over 30 years of experience, Judy’s professional skills have taken her across the industries of television, music, and photography. Her intuitive detail-oriented approach to hairstyling and personal style consulting has supported hundreds of individuals to feel good about themselves and make meaningful lifestyle changes.

In this episode, Corey and Judy share, for the first time together, their mother daughter account of how they blazed a trail in Corey’s transgender journey, telling stories spanning from Judy’s standing up to Corey’s kindergarten teacher, who wanted to stop her from dressing as a girl during dress-up time, to supporting Corey through her gender affirmation surgery at age 19.

Corey also recounts her evolution from living “stealth” for five years after her surgery, when no one knew she was transgender, to coming out publicly in 2016 through her first blog post on her site CoreyRae.com, titled, “Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself.” 

Since then, Corey has become a strong voice in helping others that struggle with gender identity, the transition process, or coming out and has actively shared her personal stories and advice on her blog, on a monthly column on StyleCaster.com, in publications like Vogue, Cosmopolitan and People magazines, and at events like the MAKERS Women’s Conference. She’s currently the new campaign model for the beauty subscription brand, IPSY, and had what I call an epic snapshot moment posing with her mother in front of one of her LA billboards, a photo we used for the podcast art.

This conversation had me in tears many times. I was moved by how Judy  transformed her childhood experiences of being bullied into fuel for becoming a rock solid ally for her child, how her experience raising a transgender daughter when few resources and knowledge existed, sparked a deep desire to support other families and their children so they don’t have to feel alone, and how, after years of helping Corey become her authentic self, Judy is now experiencing her own rebirth after a challenging divorce. 

Recording this conversation live in a recording studio on the eve of my 48th birthday and the birthday of the Mother’s Quest Podcast, felt like the representation of everything I hoped the podcast would be when I created it three years ago: a space for transformative, inspiring conversations that invite all of us to live more fully. I hope you’ll listen to this episode with an open heart and mind and say “yes” to Judy and Corey’s challenge to “truly listen to our children,” to embrace them, and help them grow into the fullest, most authentic expression of who they are.

Much appreciation,


P.S. This is the last episode of Season Four and I’ll be taking a break through the end of January. Come on over to the Mother’s Quest Facebook Group, if you’re not there yet, to stay connected until the podcast returns! Can’t wait to bring you more inspiring conversations in 2020. 

 

This Episode is Dedicated by:
Kathie Moehlig of TransFamily Support Services

TransFamily Support Services SAVES lives by shaping a gender-affirming and accepting community. TransFamily Support Services provides navigation for the journey. We serve transgender youth and their families all over the country and there is never a fee for our services. 

We help families to understand the gender journey and assist with referrals to medical and mental health providers. We also help navigate the insurance issues as well as work with schools to be sure the youth are safe and affirmed.

Kathie Moehlig, Founder of TransFamily Support Services, is a leading authority on supporting transgender and non-binary youth and their families. A tireless advocate for the LGBTQ community, she was named “Woman of the Year” by California Assemblyperson Gloria. A certified life coach, parenting instructor and motivational speaker, Kathie’s work have been featured in media nationally. She regularly crisscrossing the country to work with families, schools, healthcare, and organizations to promote understanding, inclusion, and equality.

TransFamily Support Services – Navigation for the Journey

If you want to support TransFamily Support Services, you can send your donations here.

👉 DONATE

Connect with Kathie:

You can learn more about Kathie and how she founded TransFamily Services here.

 

In This Episode We Talk About:

  • Corey’s journey of self-identity during a time when there was much less awareness and few resources about being transgender
  • Moments that helped Corey to realize she was transgender and that sparked her path to transition
  • The impact of Judy’s own childhood experience grappling with learning disabilities and bullying in how that shaped how she parented
  • The importance of listening to what your children are saying, not just in their words but also in their behavior
  • Why you shouldn’t parent your kids from fear
  • Deconstructing what it means to be transgender
  • The importance for Corey of naming the ways in which she holds privilege as a white transgender woman 
  • Educating ourselves and others on how we can de-stigmatize the transgender community
  • Corey’s coming of age movie – Queen
  • Asking a lot of questions of our children and then waiting for the answer
  • The ways in which Judy is experiencing her own rebirth: including several creative projects of her own, a memoir “Back to Blank,” and a signature jewelry piece for people in transition modeled after a butterfly.

 

Additional Resources for Transgender Families and Allies:

 

This Week’s Challenge:

For this week’s challenge, Judy and Corey challenge us to really listen to our children. Look at what they are really saying and don’t parent from a place of fear. 

Ask your kids a lot of questions and wait for the answer. And if they don’t have the answer just let it sit, because you’re helping them think about it. Judy and Corey encourage everyone of us to love our kids for who they really are and allow them to be their authentic selves.

 

Learn More About Corey Rae:

Corey Rae is a 26-year-old activist, consultant, model, speaker, and writer who shatters social stigmas surrounding the transgender community. Corey was born transgender and started her physical transition when she was 15 years old with the help of her mother Judy. Shortly after, she became the World’s first openly transgender girl to be crowned Prom Queen. 

In 2012, Corey had gender affirmation surgery at age 19, but kept her past a secret. After five years of living stealth, she told her story publicly in 2016 through her first blog post on her site CoreyRae.com, titled, “Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself” 

Corey shares personal stories of her upbringing and experiences on her blog, as well as elevates the stories of other inspiring and unique LGBTQ+ members on her site. She writes a monthly advice column on StyleCaster.com with helpful tips on dating, fashion, beauty, and destigmatizing transgender beauty standards. Corey’s high school prom victory story has been acquired and is in production for a feature film titled QUEEN, which she is Executive Producing.

Corey speaks at public and private events such as LGBTQ+ marches, Universities, and even Lululemon Headquarters. She’s partnered with brands and companies such as IPSY, HBO, Lululemon, OUAI Haircare, Seventh Generation, MAKERS,  It Gets Better, Orgain, Squarespace, Tumblr, LAPRIDE, and the Los Angeles LGBT Center. 

When Corey isn’t focused on her activism career, you can find her hiking Runyon Canyon, hanging out with her closest friends, or shopping with her mom Judy.

Resources from Corey:

Follow Corey on Social Media:

 

Learn More About Judy Blank:

Judy Blank wants to live in a world where children grow up with kindness, compassion and the ability to grow into the fullest, most authentic expression of who they are.

Her own experience raising her transgender daughter Corey in the 1990’s, and blazing a path for Corey’s transition, during a time when few resources and knowledge existed, sparked a deep desire to support other families and their children so they don’t have to feel alone.

As a stylist and designer with over 30 years of experience, Judy’s professional skills have taken her across the industries of television, music, and photography. Her intuitive detail-oriented approach to hairstyling and personal style consulting has supported hundreds of individuals to feel good about themselves and make meaningful lifestyle changes.

In 2004, a class Judy took at the Art Center of New Jersey in wax-carving sparked an extension of Judy’s love for design that results in one-of-a-kind pieces that symbolize the change her clients seek. Using precious metals and gemstones, she creates her custom design jewelry using an intricate hand-carving technique known as Lost-wax casting.

Whether working with hair, jewelry, or styling, Judy maintains her focus on the most important element, you, and believes that when it comes to living true to your most authentic self, the details count. 

This fall, Judy began a new transition in her life, moving back to her native home, Los Angeles, to grow her design and styling business and to assist Corey with her growing career. She’s also writing her own story in a book “Back to Blank,” about raising a transgender child in a time when people didn’t know what it was and chronicling how she overcame her disabilities and abusive relationships to reclaim her life. 

Connect with Judy:

Announcements:

Mother’s Quest Turned Three!

Help us celebrate three years, 70 episodes and 40,000 downloads of the Mother’s Quest Podcast!! In honor of this milestone, I’ll be recording a special solocast with my reflections on the past three years and I’d love to include some messages from you. Head over to mothersquest.com/podcast to use the speakpipe tool, or your own recording app of choice, to send a message with your thoughts about Mother’s Quest, your favorite episode, or a way that our community has impacted you. I’m looking forward to sharing some of your voices, alongside mine, in this celebratory recording coming to you in the new year.  

Women Podcasters in Solidarity Initiative

If you identify as a woman podcaster, I hope you’ll join us for the third season of the Women Podcasters in Solidarity Initiative. Our group recently committed to the topic of immigration from a social justice perspective, and we invite you to join us by committing to record an episode that can shine a light on this important issue. To take a look at past seasons and get more information visit www.womenpodcastersinsolidarity.com.

Want More Reflection in Your Life?
Book A Discovery Call

Some key themes that emerge from all my conversations, is the power of reflection and the power of being seen. These are elements that I bring, not only to every podcast interview, but to my one-one-one coaching and Mother’s Quest Circle facilitation. If you’re seeking more space for pause and reflection in your life, I encourage you to reach out to me for a discovery call to learn how we might work together.  Visit mothersquest.as.me/discoverysession to schedule a time to talk.

Click here to book a discovery call

One Minute Mom Manifesto

⚡️Have you been feeling a nudge to say “yes” to create your Mother’s Quest Manifesto? The official challenge and giveaway may be over, but the invitation and content is always there for you to create your #oneminutemommanifesto 

Here are some easy steps you can follow…

👉 Join the Mother’s Quest Facebook Group www.mothersquest.com/community to find the “unit” for the Manifesto Challenge’s reflective prompts and live videos. It’s all waiting for you!

👉 Follow along with the “unit” at your own pace. Share your reflections along the way in the comments. Let us cheer you on!

👉 Give yourself some quiet time to create your own #oneminutemommanifesto in whatever way feels good…writing, art, photos, song. It can be simple and quick. Don’t overthink it. What matters most, as a guiding light, for how you want to live your life at this stage of raising your children?

👉 Share your #oneminutemommanifesto on social media with the hashtag. Tag me if you can to make sure I’ve seen it. Consider nominating a friend who would benefit.

–Join us, share or tag a friend, or comment on how the #oneminutemommanifesto has helped you if you’ve already created yours.–

Would LOVE for more of you to join us in claiming, or reclaiming, HOW you want to live your life ✨🙌

Acknowledgments:

A big THANK YOU to our “patrons” for helping to bring these conversations to myself and other mothers through financial and/or in-kind support:

Kathie Moehlig or TransFamily Support Services
Anne Ferguson of MamaFuel

On the Move and etsuko Kubo
Kate Amoo-Gottfried
Nicole Lee
Olivia Parr-Rud
“Vince” of the While Black Podcast
Sara Brannin-Mooser
Lindsay Pera
Julie Castro Abrams
Alexia Vernon
Brooke Markevicius
Democracy Clothing
Michael Skolnik
Helgi Maki
Kari Azuma
Tamara Sobomehin
Katie Krimitsos
Carrie Caulfield Arick
Rachel Rosen
Chandra Brooks
Jen Simon
Monisha Vasa
Celia Ward-Wallace
Vanessa Couto
Desiree Adaway
Rachel Steinman
Katie Hanus
Denise Barreto 
Sage B. Hobbs 
Samantha Nolan-Smith
Jody Smith
Emily Cretella
Collette Flanagan
Titilayo Tinubu Ali 
Carly Magnus Hurt
Lizzy Russinko 
Suzanne Brown
Mara Berns Langer
Mallory Schlabach 
Katharine Earhart
Jessica Kupferman
Jen Jenkins Dohner
Genese Harris
Tonya Rineer
Liane Louie-Badua
Cristin Downs 
Erin Kendall 
Niko Osoteo 
Erik Newton 
Claire Fry
Divya Silbermann
Rachel Winter
Caren and Debbie Lieberman
Cameron Miranda
Fran and David Lieberman
Debbie and Alan Goore
The Sustainable Living Podcast

Support the Podcast

If you’d like to make a contribution to Mother’s Quest to support Season Four of the Podcast and/or help provide coaching scholarships for mothers, follow this link to make a contribution.

If you would like to “dedicate” an upcoming episode to a special mother in your life, email me at julie@mothersquest.com

Mother’s Quest is a podcast for moms who are ready to live a truly E.P.I.C. life.

Join in for intimate conversations with a diverse group of inspiring mothers as they share how they are living an E.P.I.C. lifeEngaging mindfully with their children (E), Passionately and Purposefully making a difference beyond their family (P), Investing in themselves (I), and Connecting to a strong support network (C).

Join our community of mothers to light the way and sustain you on your quest at https://www.facebook.com/groups/mothersquest/